PEER EDITING REVIEW of Bennet's Rough draft essay-
I would have to
say that the PDF website offered a greater amount of useful support and
information than did the Mayo Clinic site. - This appears to be the thesis as he is stating what he is going to discuss in his essay.
Bennet was comparing the PDF site about Parkinson's to the Mayo clinic sight also about Parkinson's. These two are comparable in the fact that bennet mentions that the PDF is overall more helpful and had more information than the basic other one.
first subject-
-- More useful
-- More information
-- The resources communicate clearly.
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Second Subject-
-- Cold clinical language found in this site
-- more like a wikipedia page.
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They essay compared points in each paragraph. and the author used transition words to navigate his writing. the into paragraph could be improved perhaps by giving more detail about the second site. I thought the conclusion was the best part of the essay.
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